(MURDERDOLLS) THE MURDERDOLLS EPISODE 1 - MURDERPRANKS
c.2009
This video is billed as "Episode 1", but I have never been able to find, or even confirm that there any other episodes. I get the feeling that these may have been the genesis for the 'Mad Manager' videos.
An opening crawl appears, Star Wars style.
"Holed up in a hotel room, thousands of miles from home with only sock puppets and a cellphone for company, it was only a matter of time before the devil himself found a use for their hands.
Snatching two work slaves from the twilit streets of Holland and plunging them into a world of mischief and debauchery, our two heroes set to work on a cunning plan.
This is how time is passed on the dark side.
This is how to fuck with your manager..."
(DEAD IN HOLLYWOOD begins to play) as the title screen flashes up, 'In a country, far, far away...Drunk and bored as shit...'
JOEY is on the phone to CORY (the long suffering man from 'The Mad Manager' videos), who is as the title screen tells us, the Murderdolls Manager.
(Watch WEDNESDAY turn JOEY around to face the camera)
JOEY: Hey, what's happenin'
CORY: Not much, how about you?
JOEY: Good man. Everything's totally right. I just wanted to check in.
CORY: That's awesome, but if you call, especially at this time, I'm like, 'Oh shit, what's wrong?'
JOEY: Oh, no...well, there actually is something wrong, that's why I'm calling
CORY: Okay, all right, that's cool
JOEY: It's not really that big of a deal, cuz you know, whatever, but you know cuz uh...the Roadrunner uh...crew....they had to split to a festival, so we had to kind of get ourselves here and everything, which is fine...
MORGAN (Roadrunner Records): So, there's this guy who they've brought with them from Cologne, it's um....this guy, Herman, I'm getting really bad vibes off of him, and I'm really not quite sure what to do or how to handle him. This guy is really giving me bad vibes. Would you mind just talking to him? Okay...hold on a second...
(Someone rattles a handle behind her)
MORGAN: Herman....
MUFFLED VOICE/WEDNESDAY: Yeah?
MORGAN: All right...this is Cory for you...
WEDNESDAY (fake voice): Hey...hello...
CORY: Hello
WEDNESDAY: Is this Cory?
CORY: Yes.
WEDNESDAY (voice slipping a bit): Hey man, good to meet you finally.
CORY: You too. How are you?
WEDNESDAY: I'm good man. I got your boys here those guys at Roadrunner records messed it all up and they're mad...
CORY: Yeah, it sounds like it...where are you from?
WEDNESDAY (sounding like Barney Gumble somehow): I'm from Cologne. I've known Joey for years. I believe I met you with the Slipknots* before, um, but the guys want me to come in. I mean, I've known Joey. I've never really done this Tour managing stuff, but he wants me to get you to get him over to Heathrow and stuff, and I guess I need to get a plane ticket, and...uh want me to talk to you.
CORY (pause): Okay. But you're in Holland now, right?
WEDNESDAY: Yeah, we're in Amsterdam. We're partying here. It's good. I got the guys here, they're good. I got the guys doing the press and..just...they...what they told me to that uh...their guy solely makes them happy, so I'll make them happy.
CORY (Pause): All right....um...
WEDNESDAY: But, I really...um...I need to get reimbursed...um...they used all their per diems* on booze. And, uh you...I'm all right you know, I've been independently wealthy for a while, and you know, I helped them out, but they told me to call you and give you my info.
CORY: Yeah, but what you should do in terms of your info...is get your name...can you e-mail me? Do you have something you can e-mail me on?
WEDNESDAY: Uhhh uhhh uhh, no I don't deal with...I don't do those internets that much. Uhhh, I got one of those paid phones.
CORY (long pause): All right, so what I would do is write your information down on a piece of paper and give it to Morgan, and make sure you get reimbursed.
WEDNESDAY: Hang on, there's a guy...Bas. Hold on. He wants to talk. Hold on. I'll be back in a second.
BAS (from RoadRunner Records): Yeah, there's this weird fight going on, like...there's this guy...I think I've met him in the past, and he seems to be friends with Joey for a long time. I think he's like sixty-five years old. He's like really really strange guy, but the thing is, like, if he's really big friends with...uh...with, with Joey, then, um, it's kind of hard to, you know, throw him out of the hotel. But, uh, actually...
CORY: Bas...
BAS: Yes
(WEDNESDAY and JOEY look at each other)
CORY (cont): Because where I am sitting right now, this all sounds like a joke. So, are you guys fucking with me now?
BAS: No, absolutely not.
CORY: You promise?
(JOEY still has the pillow pressed to his mouth)
BAS: We're absolutely not fucking around with you. Actually, you've known me for like so many years now, right?
CORY: No, no...but it sounds strange to me that all of a sudden I get a call from my artist, saying Roadrunner didn't check us out of the hotel...
BAS: You know what, that's weird...that's the weird thing. Like...I've heard about this whole situation, just like...uh half an hour ago. Morgan told me little bits and pieces of it.
CORY: Morgan calls me and said...I talked to Morgan and she said she doesn't feel safe around this guy, and now all of sudden you are there? So I don't know what the fuck is going on, but it sounds like it's a circus.
(JOEY looses it in the background)
BAS: No, the thing is like, I think he travelled with Joey from uh...from whatever like they...
(JOEY motions to WEDNESDAY)
BAS (cont):...came from Cologne I think, and I think they had a lot of booze and...and they were completely drunk, the guy is like a complete idiot with makeup and everything...
(BAS turns to look at JOEY whispering to WEDNESDAY. WEDNESDAY starts writing what BAS is to say)
BAS (cont): He's like uh...but apparently he's friends with the band, or at least with Joey for a long time, but I actually...if you're okay with it, I'm gonna, you know, uh call security for the hotel, and try to get him kicked out, because he's like...he shouldn't be around with the band, he's going to take them out to the red light districts. Uh, you know, he's like yelling through the hotel, and uh it's like a complete idiot.
WEDNESDAY is back on the phone with his fake voice
WEDNESDAY: Gimme the phone!
CORY: Yes...
WEDNESDAY: Look man, this is getting fucked up. I mean, Joey bought me here. I've got your boys here. I need to get reimbursed, I'm not going to England, or what?
CORY: Look. I don't know who you are at the moment. I know I've met you. I'll get you reimbursed. There's no problem getting you reimbursed.
WEDNESDAY: Well, this big guy over here is talking bad about me, and it makes me very uncomfortable.
(JOEY throws himself on the couch, laughing)
CORY: All right, well he's not talkin' bad, he's trying to explain how...
WEDNESDAY: He told me to get the fuck out of here!
CORY: Huh?
WEDNESDAY: He told me to get the fuck out of here...or something.
CORY: Yeah...band members are trying to do press, so I think that they'd like...
WEDNESDAY: They're my best friends! They told me on the way here.
(Behind him, JOEY is back with the pillow again)
CORY: What?
WEDNESDAY: They're my best friends.
CORY: That's awesome. So...why don't you wait outside for them, just so they can do their interviews, and do their press?
WEDNESDAY: Well I need to get reimbursed. I've got children.
CORY: No problem getting you reimbursed.
WEDNESDAY: I....
CORY: I need a cheque though. I don't have cash that I can get to you right now.
WEDNESDAY: Man, this is really fucked up man. I want to...Joey told me that you was rich...
(JOEY by this time has collapsed on a bed)
CORY: Well, we have no problem getting you money.
WEDNESDAY: I'm going to need it now. I'm going to have to....I mean, how am I going to get back to Cologne? I mean, this is messed up!
CORY (pause): We're gonna have to get someone to get you a train ticket.
WEDNESDAY: Fuck these trains! You guys are...
CORY: How did you get to Amsterdam?
WEDNESDAY (cont):...You're a rock band
CORY: How did you get to Amsterdam?
WEDNESDAY: Well, I got 'em here because I paid the bar tab.
CORY: But how did you get them there? Did you fly or did you take a train?
WEDNESDAY: I was asleep!
CORY: Huh?
WEDNESDAY: I was asleep in the car
(JOEY gets up. Clanking noises from his belt, jewellery etc)
CORY: Did you drive?
WEDNESDAY: No!
CORY: How did you get from Cologne to Amsterdam?
WEDNESDAY: I rode with Joey in this black car
(JOEY whispering something)
WEDNESDAY:...Taxi
CORY: All right. So we have to get you back, so...
WEDNESDAY: I'm not taking a train! Joey told me that he's made records and millions of dollars, and I...I...want it!
(There is a distinct silence from CORY)
WEDNESDAY: I don't want...I don't mean uh...I don't want to ruin your name and stuff, but man, I know people.
CORY: What the fuck are you talkin' about? Shut the fuck up and listen for a minute...
WEDNESDAY: Look, dude...
CORY: Stop babbling
WEDNESDAY: Man, I'll tear this place apart
CORY: Stop makin' stupid fuckin' threats
WEDNESDAY: I wanna get paid!
CORY: We'll get your ass paid!
WEDNESDAY: Don't talk to me like this!
CORY: Give somebody all your information, and I'll get you paid.
WEDNESDAY: But this...I'm their best friend...your going to talk to me like this?
CORY: When you start saying things like, 'I know people', yes I'm going to talk to you like that.
WEDNESDAY: I'll have your name out there!
(JOEY is wandering around in the background with a glass of something)
WEDNESDAY (cont): People will know your name and your bad!
CORY: I don't give a shit
WEDNESDAY: You better! I...Get me my money!
CORY: Look douchebag, get out of the hotel then
WEDNESDAY: Look...get...tell them to get me out of here...(turns to BAS)...hey, what's the big guy all quiet now? Yeah...
(JOEY standing behind him, nods and grins)
WEDNESDAY: Yeah...what's going on here...
BAS (grabbing WEDNESDAY'S arm): Come on here guy, you gotta get the fuck out of here
(LAUGHTER in the room)
BAS: Come on, you gotta get the fuck outta here!
WEDNESDAY: I'm only the lead singer, Cory Brennan!
(There is an unimpressed silence on the end of the phone)
JOEY: Mad Manager!
WEDNESDAY: Oh, we got you!
CORY: Are you serious? Mutherfucker...I'm gonna kill Bas first...
WEDNESDAY: Hey, guess what...
WEDNESDAY: And guess what...it's all on speaker, and we got you all on flip cam.
JOEY: Mad Manager, comin' up on fuckin'...
CORY: All of you are cocksuckers. Bas, especially you! I'm gonna get you back...you mutherfuckin'....all right...all right...you got me...well, good night...
WEDNESDAY: Good night Cory. We'll see you on YouTube.
Notes
Slipknot: Cory Brennan was their Tour Manager (God help him), who left to manage the Murderdolls. A lot of Tour Managers do go into band management. Tour Managing kind of serves as an apprenticeship in a way.
Per Diems: Weekly allowance for touring bands and their crew. These days they are done by electronic cards that get topped up, in the past they were cash hand outs. This is basically money for the week that covers anything from a steak at 3am from room service, to laundry.
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