Corey Taylor vs Imposter

Although this clip dates from about 2015, the story is much older and dates from about 2001 - he recounted it in his column in "Rock Sound".

"I was constantly drunk, so I didn't really give a shit about anything to be honest, but, there were moments of, you know, certain kind of lucidity, were I would be like, 'That's fucked up, dude'

(mimes drinking from a bottle).

"So one night, we go...and I remember this like it was fucking yesterday...we went to see, uh, 'Jurassic Park 3'. If you haven't seen it. Don't." 

(Laughter from audience).

"I saw it in the theatre, and wish I hadn't. It was like 'What the fuck happened to you, Sam Neil?'. Anyway...oh come on...that fuckin' movie sucks...you love that movie? 

(Audience member says "Yeah")

"...you need to go home, right now. But anyway...so, we come back...we come back to the hotel that we were staying at, so now I'm bitter and I'm just like, 'fuckers, fucking five dollars'. That's how fuckin' long ago it was...'fuckin' five goddamn dollars'. I immediately go to the bar. Jack & Cokes. Jack & Cokes. Jack & Cokes. And then, uh, one of the crew guys walks in and he's just smilin'. Just smiling' his ass off, and I'm like, 'What the fuck's wrong with you?...fuckin', your face freeze up or somethin'?'

He goes, 'Well, I just had a drink, and uh, I got to hang out with Corey Taylor.'  

"Come again?"

"Turns out this guy was at this fuckin' Irish pub, right? And he started telling everyone, that he was you. He doesn't look anything like you, but no one knows that, because you wear a fuckin' mask. He's also running a tab up, in your name..."

(Groans from audience)

"Where the fuck is this bar?"

"Quick jump in fuckin' three cabs, because there were like a lot of us, 'cos people were like, 'Ohhh shit! Let's get fuckin' real'. So now I'm like fuckin' enraged, bro. Get in the cab. We stream over to this place...this was like in Virginia Beach, Virginia by the way..."

(Someone screams "Yeah!" from the audience")

"Yeah...thanks for comin' (raises eyebrow)...hope you weren't there, cos it was brutal...so we walk into this place. We kind of slide in, cos we would be fuckin' (mimes kicking a door down), 'Where's this asshole?'. We didn't wanna do that though. We wanted to be a little cooler. So we kind of fuckin' walked in, and we kind of edged the wall. (Mimes looking around) Right in the middle of the bar, is this table, and there is this fucking gigantic human being, with the worst blonde mohawk/mullet I have ever seen in my life. He has these tattoos (points to the ones on his neck), drawn on his neck..."

(Laughter from the audience. Corey smiles and nods)

"...in Sharpie...because it's been raining outside for like fuckin' three days, they have started to run into the fat on his neck. He is (takes a breath), holy shit wasted. And he's...(mimes sleeping on the table, snoring)...and I'm like, 'Where is he?'. My buddy just (points). And I went, 'Him?!' I was pissed. And I was like, 'Ohhhh….' So, we kind of do a circle, and I'm watchin' him, to see what the fuck he's doing. He raises his head (does a drunken impression) 'I'll have another damn (???)' (clunk back on table). Right back down on the table. I was like 'Okay, I've seen enough'. So, I kind of go up to him, and I'm like 'Hey, man, hey...are you Corey Taylor?'

(Laughter, a woman in the audience can be heard saying "Yeah, you can tell")

"(Mimicking drunk man's voice in a gravelly Southern style)...'Yeah, dude...yeah man...yeah'...fuck, I'm great now. Yeah, I love your band, I really do...hey, could I get your autograph?' Now, through his haze he starts to see not only the crowd that is gathering around the table, but the fact that we all have Slipknot passes on. (Mimes drunk man's moment of clarity), 'Uhhh..well...I mean..my...my manager he don't...he don't want me to sign anythin' anymore, cos..you know...'. I'm like, 'Oh Man, please just one. Just one'. (Drunk man voice)...'Ummm...no...' (Whispers) 'Tell you what, I'll sign one for you'.     

(Cheers and laughter from the crowd)

"I go to the bar and I grab the shittiest napkin I can find, and a pen, and I just wrote 'You're fucking busted' on it. I just slid it under his face. Now, you wanna talk about finding out Santa Claus doesn't exist..."

(Someone from the audience shouts out, "earmuffs")

"Earmuffs? Oh man, I better not have just ruined that for you..."

(HECKLER..."Asshole")

"Yeah, total fuckin' asshole. So, I slide it towards him, and I just kind of leaned in, and I was like 'Look, you got caught. Alright, you need to stand up, and fuckin' leave this place. Right. Now.'

(Audience member, "Yeeaaaahhhh!")

"He kind of (imitates someone drunk and heavy getting up)..and for half a second, I feel bad, because I'm not a total dick. And then this fuckin' kind of weird blonde chick, comes bouncin' up (high pitched Southern voice), 'Aaaah, Coray! Aaaah! Where you goin'?'. I said, 'I'm a total dick. Fuck it' Grabbed him by the back of his neck, and I kicked his fuckin' ass through the doors, and I said 'If I ever see you again, I'm destroying you'.  

(CHEERS, CLAPS ETC)

"We left like an hour later, and he be fuckin' back by the goddamn dumpsters, just bummed about life, (sobbing gravelly drunk voice), 'I don't know what to do now...', so yes, it was pretty rad...

(HECKER, "Who paid the tab?")